Daddy-O

Happy birthday, Harry Potter!

Oh no, wait - I meant: happy birthday DAD! :)

Although it is the former's birthday too, I think it's more important to mention my dad ;) He's at the lake right now (so jealous!) so I know he's having a wonderful relaxing day. Anyway, just thought I'd share some pictures of me and my dad:

I love you dad! <3

Summer Heat

It's so sunny and nice and, well, summery, outside and guess what? I cant enjoy it. Because it's hot. Of course, I have to be the most pregnant during the summer months and of course, Oregon decides to be in the 80s. It looks so nice outside and I just want to go do outdoorsy things but I get hot and uncomfortable just walking down to the mailbox! Haha. How pathetic. So instead, I sit inside my air conditioned home, drinking ice water, and reading. I'm just blowing through books on my Kindle lately. 

Because I've been feeling sick lately, I've been putting off doing things. But today (despite still not feeling totally well) I managed to get all the laundry done, all the baby shower invites addressed (well, I'm only sending out actual invites to family and doing a Facebook invite for everyone else - go cheap and easy options!), did the dishes, and did the crossword in my In Touch magazine. Okay, so the last one wasnt an amazing feat, but still. I did it. 

Did I mention it's hot?!?!

32 Weeks

I've made it to 32 weeks (update). Only 3 more weeks and I've made it to the safe zone. She could safely come out anytime between 36 and 40 weeks. Although, you never know what can happen at this point (I mean, women give birth at 26 weeks and whatnot) but we essentially have about 8 weeks if I carry to my due date - September 23rd. 

Interesting Fact: September 23rd happens to be the longest day of the year; the night is as long as the day.

Butttt she could also decide to show up a little early - it sounds crazy to say that she could potentially be here in 3 or 4 weeks! I hope I make it to at least the week before her due date. I'm pretty much fine with being done with pregnancy but I'm still mentally and emotionally preparing for her arrival. I dont think I will ever be truly ready. But lately, I've been getting serious bursts of reality - that she really is going to be here, our baby, something I've thought about and imagined basically my whole life, almost here - and it scares the crap out of me. People who say they experience so many emotions all at the same time - excitement, fear, anxiety, nervousness, elation, high highs and low lows - are definitely correct. I am feeling all those and more. I think I'm pretty capable of taking care of her and even though I'll make mistakes, I'm certain I will try to the absolute best of my abilities to take care of her and I know I will love her with all I have. But I still question sometimes if I can do it all! It seems so overwhelming, everything in it's entirety. 

I'm thankful for my husband, who is so excited to become a daddy. In fact, he gave me a card yesterday when he came home from work that was so sweet and unexpected. For those of you that are close to me, you will know that Tony is super cheesy but genuine and that's why I love him so much. Two things he wrote in the card (besides admiring me for my ability to get through the hard times of pregnancy and so far fighting my fears off pretty well) was that he loves me so much that it makes him love me more and that he's so excited to get to meet our little girl and show me how he can be a great daddy - and that he's so pumped to do this "parenting jig" with me. And yes, he wrote "jig" not "gig" referring to a crazy dance we'll have to do as parents ;)

So while I'm getting excited (to meet her) and nervous (to attempt to deal with my fear of being in the hospital), I'm kind of in a blah state right now due to the fact that I am seriously revisiting my first trimester, in terms of sickness. I'm feeling nauseous all the time and have even thrown up a couple of times. It really sucks. I've spent the last couple of days mostly in bed. I do not cherish this feeling. I will be so glad when I'm done being pregnant (although, ironically, I'm sure there will be days where I will be over exhausted and will wish for a day of pregnancy instead) and I can start feeling like more of myself again. 

A couple of updates:

~ We decided on a super low-key birthday gathering for my 23rd birthday next Saturday, the 6th. It's something I would normally do now but we just invited people to it :) We've decided to meet for dinner at the Spaghetti Factory (one of my favorites) and then head across the street to the mall to see the movie The Change-Up. We'll probably have cake too :) Something simple for pregnant exhausted mama-to-be. Sounds perfect. Anyone is welcome to come to one or both, so I hope to see you there! =]

~ I get to watch Bear & Daisy (2 sweet black labs) again for a week the second week of August :) So that will be fun and it will bring in some extra cash (enough to order the glider and ottoman for the nursery, as well as a dresser for all of Anistynn's continuously growing collection of clothes).

~ My baby shower now has a secure date and time. When my mom gets back from the family trip to the lake, she and I will go and pick out decor and other things needed for a nice little shower. I ordered invitations too and I got them yesterday (so cute!) so I will be sending those out probably next week. 

So there's some fun events to look forward to! Hopefully I dont overdo myself!

Am I Done Yet?

So. I really feel like I'm done with this whole pregnant thing. I'm so exhausted. The biggest thing is sleep deprivation (which, I'm sure, is just preparing me for when she is here, but still - I cant help but feeling like I'm getting a raw deal because I will have that when she's here). It's just that, no matter how many pillows I have surrounding me or propping me up in certain places, I'm still super uncomfortable. First of all, baby girl decides that it's the opportune time to start dancing around in mama's belly - a dance that lasts well into the night. Then once she's calmed down, she just shifts her weight when mine is shifted. If I lay on my left side, she sinks into my left side too and vice versa. It feels like I'm literally laying on a baby (or perhaps a pet - something noticeable, that feels like I could just pluck it out from underneath my stomach and I'd be comfortable). But of course, I cant, so I have to lay somewhat tilted so that my tummy isnt directly touching something like the bed or a pillow. It can rest on top of a pillow, but if I sink into it just a trite, it feels like I'm laying on something again. Crazy! Throw in the fact that I average about 4 - 5 hours of sleep a night and I'm running on empty.

Then there's showering. Shaving my legs is starting to really hurt. It's hard to reach all around with a big tummy in the way! 

Finally there's exercise. I have been going on walks and whatnot, but I get exhausted after walking across a parking lot! Gosh, I feel lame! Plus, it's super hot lately and that does not help me out at all. All I want to do is lounge inside with the air conditioning blasting. I really miss my old self - being able to dance and run and exercise and clean and throw myself around like there was no tomorrow. It's amazing how old and disabled I sometimes feel just by being pregnant.

Oh and recently, I havent been feeling that great (sort of nauseous) like every day. It just drags me down further. I still have about 8 weeks left - if I'm just bound to get bigger, I can only imagine how much more blah I'll be. 

The one thing that's getting me through is feeling her move. I really do love it - it's such a surreal feeling! But I'm just getting so anxious to meet her and see what she looks like and what her little personality is going to be like. I cant wait to see who she takes after, me or Tony, both physically and trait-wise. Ahhh we have so long to wait and yet so little time to finish preparing!

Again? Really?!

Well.

I've been good for about 8 weeks now. So why, why, must I be throwing up today?? Ugh. What a nice little flashback to the beginning of my pregnancy. I was sick for a straight 14 weeks. Then I finally felt better (at least no major hurling) for about 10 weeks. For the last couple of weeks I've been feeling sickish. I've taken my Zofran maybe once a week and it seems to curb feelings of nauseousness for a few days or so. But today, I couldnt control the feelings - I rushed to the bathroom and lo and behold, upchucked everything. Blech. I hope this is only a fluke. I'm already so physically exhausted (mostly because it's super hard to sleep at night) - I dont need to revisit what the first part of my pregnancy was like again. 

Oh and Ashlee left this morning =( She was here for almost a month visiting and we had a great time. She made a ton of friends while she was here. We're sad to see you go, Ash, but we had a lot of fun and we love you!

My Birthday?!

My birthday is coming up and I dont know what to do. I hadnt even really thought about it because so many other things have been compromising my mind lately, but when I was looking at the calendar the other day, I realized that my birthday is only 10 days away! I'll be turning 23 years old. Not awesome (I hate odd numbers) but it will happen just the same. I think I kind of settled earlier in the year that I wasnt going to do anything major. I'm usually camping on my birthday so we dont ever really make any big plans. However, I'm now hearing from some friends that I should do at least something because it's my last birthday before we have a little baby on our hands. So now I'm looking for something to do. 

If anyone has any suggestions - things to do, places to eat, etc - I'd appreciate your input. If we were to do anything, we'd want it to be pretty low-key (seeing as how I'm pregnant, so no crazy drunken nights or wild partying), with probably a small to medium sized group. Just a get together basically. My baby shower will be during the same month and I'll see lots of people there too, but that will be about Anistynn and this will be honoring me :)

Anyway, just thought I'd throw it out there to see if I got any creative ideas back; otherwise we'll probably just go to a nice sit down restaurant and whoever wants to join us is certainly welcome.

Thanks!

Teen Nick

I was perusing the tv guide tonight during commercials between The Bachelorette and guess what I came across on Teen Nick?!

All That

Kenan & Kel

Clarissa Explains It All

Doug

All these shows from my childhood!!! I went through the next few days and it looks like they're playing at the same time every night, at least for a while. So if you want to take a trip down memory lane, I'd suggest you tune into Teen Nick at night! :)

On another note, I went to the Charburger this morning to have breakfast with the fam before they took off for Wallowa Lake today. It's always nice to get together, but I'm so bummed that Tony and I dont get to go to the lake this year. We had planned on it right up until Tony got laid off from his job a few weeks back. We went through a transition period so we decided not to go this year because once he got his new job, we didnt want to ask for a bunch of time off right away. Especially because they have been so nice to him so far and he's getting paternity leave when the little one arrives and frankly, we cant ask for much more than that. But that doesnt stop my jealousy from all my relatives sitting around a campfire at the lake right now.... Sigh. Ah well, I guess we'll just go next year - with almost a 1 year old!!

A Perfect Picture

I had this dream last night that was so surreal - and quite frankly, amazing. Well, it was amazing to be dreaming it, I guess. It all felt so... floaty. 

I was standing in our nursery (it was totally put together, including paint on the walls - which we're not doing because we dont plan on being here for very long after she's born) and everything looked great. The sun was pouring in through the window and everything was bright and cheery. All browns, creams, and pale pinks, with all the matching furniture and cute girlie vintage touches surrounding me. Well, surrounding us. I was sooooo pregnant; just absolutely ready to pop. I was wearing a very cute maternity outfit that nicely flattered me in all areas. I stood there in the nursery and slowly turned around in a circle to take it all in. I had my hands on my tummy, almost in a protective mommy type of way. Once I had returned to my first position, I pulled a pin (or a needle?) out of God knows where, held it up where it reflected in the light for a split second, then I popped my tummy with it. Just like a balloon. It wasnt gross - nothing nasty came out. No typical birth mess, just air. My baby floated out like another balloon or something right up into the air in front of me. She looked like one of those chubby adorable 6 month old babies, not a newborn. And she was wearing a diaper. She was in a sitting position (floating in the air), her little legs drawn together and hands clasped together with a huge grin on her face. I reached out and grabbed her, bringing her to my face where I could inhale her scent. I felt complete with her in my arms and together we turned toward the sunlight, feeling the happiest I have ever felt in the entire world.....

:)

How To Keep A Baby Alive

We had our final baby class today: Breastfeeding and Newborn Care. I dont need to go on about breastfeeding (as I'm sure most of you moms out there are already knowledgeable on the subject) but I will say it's amazing how many things come from breastfeeding. I will be brutally honest and tell you that I've always thought breastfeeding was a bit weird. Not when other people were doing it but thinking about me personally doing it. I cant even tell you exactly why I have felt this way but I guess that even though it's a totally natural thing to do, I have always felt it was a little intense, maybe even creepy. I hope I'm not sounding like a bad mother figure but those are just my honest feelings. However, I know that I want to do it, especially now. A lot of people I know ended up not breastfeeding for very long - actually the majority of people I know personally didnt do it at all or for very long. My goal is to do it for at least 6 months. I think it's the thought of an older child breastfeeding (when they've become more of a "little person" - a real little human being, if you will) that freaks me out a bit. All I know is that I would definitely like to give breastfeeding a shot. I cant really say anything until I try it. Who knows - I may end up doing it for way longer than I'm anticipating. Or I may do it for a short period of time. But my goal is 6 months, at least. Although, I would like to introduce her to bottles at an early age as well, and switch between them both. If I ever have to leave her with grandparents or the hubby, I want her to take a bottle and still be fed! It's either that or I aint going anywhere for a while! Haha. But the fact of the matter is, we just dont know what kind of baby she's going to be. I've heard of so many different scenarios that I basically just have to wait and see what her personality is like and what she personally likes and dislikes and we'll go from there.

The second part of the class was Newborn Care. We basically learned the proper care for a baby: bathing, diapering, etc. And yes, we did have baby dolls. And yes, we gave them full on baths. And yes, we changed their diapers. And sadly, our baby had a bracelet on her wrist that said "Diana" and when we went to change "her" it came to light that "she" was indeed a "he" - so that poor child is going to have a rough childhood. We also learned about different coping techniques on how to handle a crying child if they've already been changed and fed and they're still super fussy. And finally, we worked on different aspects of our own relationship, how to support one another in a time of great change, when having a child has turned your world upside down - in a good way, of course! We had to work together to figure out what to do with our upset child while a tape of a crying baby played in the background. It was actually a very helpful exercise! 

After our class, we met my mom (we also met her for lunch, too) and she showed Tony the floor of the hospital where she worked. 

Man, I really have a hard time with hospitals. 

So even though we had these classes, and I do actually feel a bit more prepared, I know that we will still make tons of mistakes. But I also know that we will love that child with every ounce of our beings. Ahh I cant wait to meet her!!

Sorry! We're Closed - Come Back.... Never.

So is it just me or is everything going out of business lately?? I mean, there's lots of little odds and ends type of shops closing down all the time, but now Borders?? I heard a while back that some of their stores were shutting down but apparently now all of them are. Tony and I went in there today to raid the sales and we got a few books and magazines and saved about $20.00. I totally get it though, what with them being overpriced (same with Barnes & Noble) and with the popularity of Amazon and the eBook generation. I mean, I'm in love with my Kindle. But I still want bookstores!! Okay okay, as long as Powell's doesnt shut down - that's where I draw the line. Everything else can go for all I care, but the minute Powell's goes away is the minute my life just went down the drain. Blahhh! And to think, my life's dream (besides having kids, being a mother, and raising a family, of course) was to own my own bookstore / coffee shop. But with eReaders all the rage and constantly on the rise, who knows what the future of bookstores looks like? I may just have to move to a small town somewhere random and open one up - keep the local charm, you know? 

And to top it off, Old Chicago went out of business as well. Super good pizza - right out the window. Sigh. Then again, f they'd just put an In N' Out here, I would be content. 

Oh and I'm 31 weeks today! Update.

New Addiction

This is now my go-to drink of the summer (as of yesterday). I got another one today and it's just so refreshing and cold (a perfect combo for a preggo lady)! And I can feel good because it's caffeine-free. Yay!

Passion Tea Lemonade from Starbucks 

To Post Or Not To Post?

Went to lunch with my mom today (where I got a yummy Apple Harvest Grilled Chicken Salad) and had a good time catching up (and dishing about my fears of hospitals). We also went to the store to look for baby shower ideas and we planned the rest of it out. I cant wait to see some friends and family who I havent seen in forever (and likely might not see again - or rather, have the ease to see them on a whim again - for quite a while). We stopped by the pediatrician's office too and figured out what we needed to do in order for Anistynn to go there (it turns out it's really simple, so I'm excited about that). It was actually my pediatrician that I had starting out as a baby and morphing into my childhood years...so it will be sweet that Anistynn will have the same doctor that I did as a kid :) From there, we figured out what insurance they accepted and thus made the decision that we will be going with Healthy Kids! We had looked at it before but I wanted to see what the pediatrician's office would accept and then go from there (I really wanted baby girl to go there because I was comfortable with the environment and the doctor - which is super important - and it's like right down the road from our place and that appeals to someone with a little baby). It seems to be a good fit. I've heard it's good from some friends of mine that have it but if anyone else has any input on it, I'd still like to know. However, that's more than likely what we're going with and I'm content. It makes me feel good when things come together when I was so worried about it before! 

My mom and I stopped by Starbucks on our way back (and no, I still havent a had a single cup of coffee since I've been preggo) and I got this Passion Iced Tea with lemonade mixed in (totally caffeine-free) and it was delish! After we got back to my place, I showed my mom all the things we had for Anistynn so far and there was lots of "oohs" and "ahhs" over all the little girlie clothes :)

Ashlee, Tony, and I ended the night by renting Sucker Punch and it turned out to be kind of lame. I thought it would be a girl power movie and it ended up being pretty depressing. At least in my opinion. I was also bummed that Vanessa Hudgens was in it (she annoys me a trite). Whatevs. Now I'm about to head to bed, with baby girl moving all around, doing what feels like flips inside my belly! (Did you know that babies can actually do flips in their mama's tummies and can tie knots in the umbilical cord? Fun fact!)

Good night!

* Oh, and I took some preggo swimsuit pics - LOL - today (it is summertime, so it was bound to come out sooner or later) and I have yet to decide if I want to post them or not. I was in a bikini after all..... Tony said I should take some pictures in the first place so that I can say I rocked a bikini while I was pregnant. I'm a little hesitant but people wear swimsuits all the time while pregnant. And then there's some maternity shoots with crazy outfits.... I dont know. I just dont want to come off as....slutty???...because it's a bikini. Thoughts??

Anyone Want To Share?

To all of you mommies and / or daddies out there:

I'm looking to hear people's positive birth stories. I know there's always a chance that something can happen and every pregnancy, labor, and delivery is different and I cant expect things to happen like any of yours did. It will be my own personal story, unique to me and me only. BUT I still would like to hear the positive stories. I think that by hearing some experiences of people I know personally (and who are not only fine and thriving after the fact but awesome parents as well) that I can look forward to this with more excitement. Granted, I'm anxious and pumped beyond belief to meet my daughter and I'm so stoked for everything after she's here but I am dreading certain events and environments that will lead up to that. I hear all the time that it's worth it once you get to the end - but that's so cliche and generic. 

So if you feel comfortable, I would love to hear any of the following:

- Your story.

- Your favorite part and why.

- Any feelings you had before, during, and / or after.

- If you had any cool doctors or nurses.

- The coolest part about the hospital you were in.

And even if you had a rough birth process or an intense labor, or maybe you felt the same way I'm currently feeling, but if you did, what techniques did you use or what things helped you to get through it so you could come out on the other side where your baby is finally here?

Like I said, I'm sure as soon as she's here, everything will slip by the wayside. Until then, all I have is time to think about things (and that's not always good): the many many ways my own personal labor and delivery could go, what the pain will feel like, how the recovery will be for me, how breastfeeding will go and what it will feel like, and most importantly, if everything is okay and healthy with Anistynn. While I'm waiting (not so patiently), anything and everything crosses my mind. 

Thanks for your input!

They're Baaaaack.....

Sigh - and the crazy negative dreams are back! Lately, I've been dreaming about what our daughter would look like, what kind of personality she'll have, if she'll be a little terror or a sweet angel..... Sure, there have been some weird scenarios, but they werent necessarily negative. Now I've had 2 in the past week that resemble the ones I had in the first trimester. Ones of Tony cheating and / or leaving, etc. I hate them sooo much! Last night, I dreamed that Tony was married to someone else, so our marriage was a total sham. He couldnt possibly be married to me since he was married to someone else already. She came and told me and he didnt even care that I found out. I was so upset and he decided that he had to go read a Shakespeare play, cover to cover, in the park on the lawn (???) I was so devastated - and at the end of the dream I realized that since we werent officially married, the date 10.10.10 had no meaning anymore. And it would never happen again so I would never get the chance to use it again (it's like my favorite date ever, that's why I was so happy we could use it - I'd wanted it to be my wedding date - if all worked out by that time, of course - since like the year 2000 when I thought of it). But anyway, it was sad.....

I hope I have some nicer dreams, although as the due date approaches, I'm sure I'll have some freak out dreams such as something happening to the baby, me not being a good mother, Tony not being around, and / or a horrible labor and delivery (extending from my fear of hospitals and medical environments). Lovely.

Preparation For Birth

As you might have seen on my Facebook, Tony and I attended our birth classes this past weekend. We took a 2 day, 6 hour class (instead of the standard 6 week, 2 hour class). We took it at OHSU (where I'm currently receiving all my prenatal care and where I will be delivering the baby). Our teacher was really nice and informative. She laid everything out really well and the environment was comfortable for group discussions and questions. I was pretty familiar with a lot of the stuff we went over, seeing as how I've devoured tons of pregnancy books and articles. However, it went into more detail than I've had the chance of finding out, until now. Even though I was pretty aware of certain things, it didnt really hit home until I took this class. And I have to admit, I got very uncomfortable. I think up until now, I just figured I knew basically what was supposed to go on and everyone is different, so I hadnt let myself fully get into what the many different scenarios are of how mine could be like. Now I cant stop thinking about it. I've always been terrified of childbirth (despite wanting nothing more than to be a mom). I was nervous about it when I first started going to the doctor because everything was so new, but then I just got into the swing of things that it kind of went out of my mind to a certain extent. Now it's all come flooding back in. Oh joy.

We learned:

- All about how a totally natural childbirth would go (and can I say intense!) and what it would be like with the different pain medications and / or epidural.

- The fact that there will only be 2 anesthesiologists on the floor and if they're busy or doing another C-Section, it could take a while for them to get to you....which is great.

- What an induction would be like (and personally, I dont think I want to be induced if possible - holy uncomfortable!).

- The differences between babies who were born from an un-medicated birth and a medicated birth.

- How important breastfeeding is.

- What to pack for the hospital and what they provide there for patients and their partners.

- How important skin to skin time is with baby and mom or baby and dad.

- What a C-Section would be like and recovery.

- What a vaginal birth would be like and recovery.

- That's it better to stay at home for as long as possible before coming in to the hospital. 

- Delivery of the placenta.

- How the uterus contracts back down.

- Pretty much all the anatomical stuff and what it all looks like and everything the different parts do that are involved in the birth process.

- Bleeding after birth (and the freaking huge pads, ice packs, potential catheters, etc)

- A little bit of what's important after you are discharged from the hospital and alone at home with new baby.

- Maintaining intimacy in your relationship.

- Bonding with baby.

We also did a few exercises, like breathing techniques and group convos. And I also learned that not only can I be reimbursed for these classes we took (because we have insurance through the hospital) but that we can also get a nice electric breast pump for free as well! So that's good news.

I had scheduled us to take a tour of the hospital in August. However, our teacher took our group on it today so we wont have to go to the other one. This is where it hit me and hit me hard. As most of you know, I'm extremely uncomfortable and frankly terrified of hospitals. I just get really anxious and nervous in hospital settings; it doesnt matter if I'm there for myself (which is super rare) or for someone else, good or bad. It's just in general. Hence why I could never have a career in the medical field. I dont really know what to do to get over this fear but so far, whenever I have thought about childbirth, I guess I just assumed that I would be so consumed with what was going on at the time and what was happening with my body that I wouldnt even have time to be concerned about my surroundings to that extent. But today, I got so sick. We started touring and I was okay at first. Then we went into one of the rooms that we would be in for labor and delivery when the time came. While the room was nice (bed that transforms into many different positions, TV, DVD player, jacuzzi tubs, and all are private rooms), it still screamed, "HOSPITAL" to me. Baby will be kept with you at all times too, in their little glass warmer things (they dont even have a typical nursery) and they provide beds for your partner to stay the night as well. The Mother Baby Unit is similar, just a little more cozy - and nurses will come by to check on you and baby and lactation consultants (who are supposed to be really excellent at OHSU, by the way) will be helping you through the breastfeeding process. Food is also provided for you and your partner for free and it's supposedly really good. But even with all that, I couldnt help how I started to feel standing in there listening to our tour guide. I felt like the room was closing in on me - I could see all the medical instruments, the typical hospital colors (blue and white) everywhere, and there was a smell that I didnt quite care for. Seeing the tubes and catheters and needles and everything needed for labor, delivery, and recovery... Well, it just made me really nervous and dizzy. It became real to me then. On the way out, we passed a couple of newborn babies and for some reason, that scared the absolute crap out of me. While they were adorable, I started to question if I could do this. I mean, I know I kind of have to do this and I cant back out now, and I will get through it eventually one way or another, but in general, am I strong enough, both physically and emotionally / mentally??? God help me. I know it's just the effects of today - give me a few days and I'll be back to my old self. I just couldnt breathe in that hospital - I had to get out and take in some deep breaths of cold Oregon air. 

For those of you who want to tell me any of the follwing, please refrain from doing so:

- That it will all be worth it once I'm holding my baby girl in my arms.

- That I'm strong and can get through anything.

- That many women have done it before me - I'll be fine.

I understand all of that but I dont need to hear it. I'm positive that I will be totally in love with my baby and it will be all worth it. I know that I am strong and I've gotten through many tough times and tragedies in my life before this - I can get through this too. And that yes, if many many many women have lived through childbirth and been just fine, I'm sure I can and will be too. But I'm just being honest about my feelings here and now. That's it. Plain and simple. Just like when I was sick for 14 weeks and people told me it would get better and it would all be worth it at the end.... It's not what I really needed to hear, because despite the truth in that, it didnt matter during that time. While I was in it, it SUCKED. It was miserable and I couldnt see past the minute I was in. So please, please, understand where I'm coming from. As of right this second, I'm terrified. For a number of reasons. And I have to get through it on my own terms, not with what people tell me I should be doing and feeling. I'm not going to be a bad mother because of this. This is normal for some people. But this is me, being brutally honest. God give me the strength to not only get through everything okay (and most importantly, have a happy healthy baby) but to get through these next 10 weeks with a growing confidence that I will be able to handle all this and that my fears of the hospital are all in my mind.

I do thank you for all your prayers and thoughts and kind words throughout everything so far. 

And even in the face of all these fears, there is one feeling that I've been having above all else lately: I miss her. I miss my baby girl. I actually miss her. She's right here, right inside me (in fact, pressed up against my right side, making me super uncomfortable almost all the time), and yet, I miss her. I want to meet her. I cant wait to meet her. A part of me and a part of Tony. Together. How exciting is that?! Miss Anistynn, I love you so much already and I cant wait to get to know you in the real world. Once you're ready to come out, please come out quickly!! ;)

** We have another 1 day class we're taking next Saturday as well, so I'll report back on that: Breastfeeding and Newborn Care.

The End Of An Era

Harry Potter Review:

Soooooo. I'm not even really sure what to say. It seems so crazy that Harry Potter is now officially over (at least, technically. No more new books or movies). The first book came out when I was in 6th grade. SIXTH GRADE. That was like...12 years ago?? The story is kind of funny.....

My grandparents bought the book for my brother Travis and I for Christmas to share. Even though I'm a sucker for all things books, I really wasnt into (and still never really am) interested in books that are fantastical (witches, wizards, magic, creatures, vampires, monsters, etc). So I kind of just let my brother have it. Well a few months later, I didnt have anything to read. I was at home, wandering the house, trying to figure out what to do because I was bored. I had read everything I owned and I already was through the 6 or 7 books I had piled up in my room that I had checked out from the library. So I went to my brother's room and asked him if he had any books I could look through to find something to read. He had been rallying to get me to read Harry Potter ever since he finished it a while back. "Come on Danielle, you'll like it - I promise you." I had consistently refused. Well, the day had finally come. There was nothing else I was even remotely interested in (or better yet, hadnt already read) that he owned so I grudgingly took the book and retreated to my room. A few hours later, I emerged, having read the entire book in one sitting. I was in love. Pure utter love. 

From then on, my life was about Harry Potter. I was obsessed with it and started collecting everything that had to do with Harry Potter. I had the books, magazines with any articles about it, figurines, stuffed animals, posters, clothes, blankets, bookends, trading cards, etc. I even had a Harry Potter birthday party, complete with invites, thank you notes, tablecloth, plates, hats, cake, and more (yes, as a teenager). I was a geek in every sense of the word. When the movies started coming out, my friends and I started a tradition: we all gathered at my friend Kalee's house (whose parents are Mark and Lori, who I've mentioned in previous posts - they're like my second family) and we would get all Pottered up for the midnight showing. We'd get into costume (yes, robes, hats, shirts, make up - lightning scars on our heads drawn on with eyeliner - glasses, scarves, etc) and head to the theater early to get good seats. I was so into HP that after the first few movies, I would write up a list of everything that differed between movie and book when I got home. Sometimes it would take up 6 or 7 pages, front and back. It was ridiculous. After a few years of this, I finally moved on from my obsessive state but my love for Harry Potter never went away. I still went to the midnight release of all the books and movies. No matter where I was (Oregon or Colorado), no matter what was going on in my life, I still managed to do it.

When the last book came out, after hanging out at the pre-party held at Borders before it was released, I started reading it as soon as I got it in my hands. That's precisely why I had someone else drive me home, so that I could continue reading. I finished it at about 7 or 8 the next morning. Although I read the last 10 pages veryyyy slowly because I didnt want it to end. I bawled my freaking eyes out. 

Now the 7th (part 2) final movie is finally here. And I saw it at midnight on it's release date. Just like always. And I dont know how I feel. I didnt shed a single tear. You'd think that because it was the end of Harry Potter and that I was pregnant on top of it, I would be crying my eyes out, what with all the hormones. But nope. You could hear everyone in the theater sniffling and crying and I just sat there, with no emotion. It was bittersweet - a good movie, funny and sad, excellent even - but I didnt cry. Maybe I am finally growing up.

Harry Potter will always be a joy to me. The books (which are far greater and more magical to me than any of the movies) will always be at the top of my list for favorite books ever. They were my childhood. I grew up with Harry and all his friends. They became my friends. I will always cherish them (and probably read them a few more times in my life before I die - I've already read each book multiple times). I will forever be known as a Harry Potter geek. And I'm not ashamed of it.

I have to say, I'm so glad I was able to see all the movies at midnight and carry on that tradition before I had kids. I'm just glad I was able to participate. In a way, it's kind of symbolic: Harry Potter was the biggest thing in my childhood, my favorite thing (besides a random obsession with Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen - and yes, that was intense too) and now it's over. 2 months before my baby girl is due to come into this world. I guess this is signaling the end of my childhood as we know it. 

Despite being able to go because we dont yet have a newborn baby at home, it was slightly more difficult this year because we arrived at the theater early for good seats (and still ended up sitting fairly close to the screen) and were in there for almost 4 - 5 hours total. That can take a toll on a mama-to-be, that's for sure. But it was worth it. So farewell Harry Potter - the movies and books may have come to an end, but they will forever live on in my heart.

*Side Note* 

A really hilarious and random thing happened while we were at the theater. The previews started and we were enjoying seeing what was coming out soon, when all of a sudden, a preview for Sherlock Holmes started playing. Now, everyone though it was a sequel so there were excited whispers throughout the theater. After a short time passed, I leaned over to Tony and said, "Didnt this already come out? Like, this exact movie?" Come to find out, it sure enough was the exact ONLY Sherlock Holmes movie (to date, anyway) that's out there and it played all the way through and then went on to other previews - ?!?!?! - Whaaaa??? I heard people saying things like, "What just happened here?" and "Deja vu!" It was pretty hilarious. I've never seen that happen before.

30 Weeks!

Holy moly - I'm 30 weeks along! 10 more weeks, baby! 70 days to go! 

Well, more or less, anyway.........

Here is my update!

Wow. I've been pregnant for 30 weeks. Goodness, that sounds like a long time. 

I'm excited for tonight - I get to see my good friend, Dana, whom I havent seen since my wedding (and it's super hard to visit with someone at your wedding, as I'm sure those of you who have had a wedding will agree with me on this one). I ran into her once at her work before our wedding and then before that, it had been years! We're going to dinner tonight to catch up - I cant wait to see my little Dane-Dane! :)

Tomorrow Tony and I start our 2 day Preparation For Birth class. I'll be sure to let you readers know all about it on Monday ;)

It All Ends Tonight

There's only one thing on the agenda tonight:

HARRY POTTER

We're going to see it at midnight tonight (of course) and I will report back on what I thought of it sometime this weekend. Stay tuned!

Newborn Photo Shoot

I've been thinking about a newborn photo shoot a lot lately - of course I want to do one, so I've been thinking about what I want it to look like, what I want Anistynn to wear, etc. I love vintage anything so when I stumbled across this headpiece, I just absolutely fell in love with it:

You can find it here: Leah Vintage Inspired Fascinator

This is my second choice:

You can find it here: Ava Vintage Inspired Fascinator

They have so many cute baby and toddler things on Etsy. Here's a great place to get started if you're interested: Half Pint

** Last night, I dreamed again of what our little girl will look like. She seems to look different in every dream I've had about her, only reiterating the fact that I have no idea what she's like (except for how's she's been in my tummy - ACTIVE!) but that we will know in about 10 weeks! I really truly cant wait to meet her.

Our Prayers Have Been Answered!

GREAT NEWS!

Tony got a job! :) I know I mentioned before that I was thankful that we had a savings account to fall back on, especially in times like these, but I have to admit I was starting to get a little bit anxious. How can I not when there are bills to pay and a baby on the way? Our savings would have only lasted for so long and we had no idea how long it could potentially have taken for Tony to find another job. It takes some people months or even years. Luckily for us, it took 2 weeks. I know that doesnt sound like long (and in reality, it isnt, which I'm soooo thankful for) but in the mind of a pregnant woman, it's forever. I was worried. 

Tony went on multiple job interviews and actually had a few options. Apparently, he makes a good impression on employers and there were multiple ones interested. However, he ended up taking a job at CBC Trucking (a moving company). It's a highly rated company (A+ in the Better Business Bureau) and the movers are well represented because they are great with customer service and take pride in their jobs. Tony went in for an interview at the beginning of last week and the guy who was hiring called him on Thursday night of last week and asked if he could come in that evening and get to know the place and what the job would entail. He went in from 6 PM - 9 PM (paid) and when he came back, he said it sounded like a great position. They liked Tony a lot so they officially offered him a job. Of course, there were a couple things we still neded to make sure of (that he could have the days off for our baby classes and what they were like regarding our due date and baby girl coming into the world), so Tony went in the next day from 6 AM - 3 PM (again paid) and found out everything. Apparently, it sounds great! They want him to work 5 days a week. They are completely fine with him having the baby classes off (which takes place this Saturday and Sunday and then again next Saturday) so right now they are having him work Monday - Friday (6 AM - 3PM or thereabouts) and after the classes are over, he'll be working Tuesday - Saturday (same times). They are also very happy for him that he is expecting a child and they have no problem with him being there for the birth of his child (you'd be surprised what problems some employers do have with stuff like that) and that he can even have a week off after the baby is born to hang out with me and Anistynn for that special bonding experience :) I like it so far from the sound of it - the hours are great because he still gets to come home early enough in the day (so that we can have dinner together and spend time as a family after Anistynn gets here) while still working full time and then some. He'll be making slightly less than he was at his previous job, but still good enough. He says the people there are really nice and it's totally opposite than how Suntrax Logistics was. So it will be a better environment for him overall. He'll get paid every Friday (as opposed to his last job where he was paid twice a month) and his official title is Warehouse Manager. 

So to sum up - same job, same title, almost the same pay, and a LOT better place to work at. He's already worked the last two days (so four days total so far) and he's pretty happy. I will continue to pray that this remains good and positive - he seems to really believe this will be a pretty stable job. That certainly eases Mama's worries :)

Praise God!

A Not So Great Day (Although It IS Free Slurpee Day)

Well this morning was crazy. Utterly horrible mixed with humiliation and exhaustion. 

It all started with a bad night last night - I was so hot and completely uncomfortable. I tossed and turned all night (which is becoming the norm for me now) and around 5 AM, I started having trouble breathing. Out of nowhere! It hasnt happened before and I was getting super worried. My head felt like it was going to explode, my nose was stuffed up on my right side, and I couldnt catch my breath. I woke up Tony and we tried putting me in different positions (standing up, sitting up, propped up on pillows with my head elevated, etc). Nothing really seemed to work. I finally downed a bottle of cold water, blew my nose so hard it flew right off my face (or what felt like that, at least), turned on the air conditioning, turned on the tv to try to distract me, and laid down on my left side with my head on 4 pillows, my tummy propped up on 1 pillow, and a pillow shoved behind my back to prop me up from behind. I finally must have fallen asleep (around 7 AM or so) because next thing I know, I'm waking up at 10 AM. Needless to say, I was (AM) exhausted. But I'm glad that little charade is over and I hope it never happens again! Scary.

I had to take Ashlee to camp (church camp) in Forest Groves (check in was 11 AM - 2 PM) so I couldnt sleep any longer. I wrote directions down from Google Maps (we have a GPS but for some reason, I really hate to use it - I guess I'm old fashioned). After driving for about 20 minutes, we realized we were going the wrong way. So we got out the GPS and put in the address and used it from there. However, I missed like 5 turns in between that point and actually getting to our intended destination because the GPS sucks and it didnt warn me soon enough! Or maybe it did and I'm just retarded. Whatever the case may be, I was super stressed by the time we arrived. Her camp was taking place at Pacific University for the week. We arrived, parked, and went to the hall to check in. Ashlee was too scared to talk to anyone herself, so I did it for her and had to play leader for a bit ;) After we got her bag full of goodies, we started to head to her dorm when I saw another table that I thought had the keys on it for the dorms. I told her to go grab hers and she insisted that the table wasnt something she needed to go to and we were all set. So we walked across campus to Walter Hall (her dorm for the week) and lo and behold, we needed a key to get into her room (which was on the 2nd floor and there were only stairs). We asked a couple of the other girls standing around where to get keys, and wouldnt you know it, they were supposed to give them to you at check in. At the very table I told her to go over to. *Sigh* So we trekked back over and got them, then went back to the car to get her stuff (which she packed for what looked like a 2 week stay, at least), and headed back up to her dorm. She finally met her roommate when we arrived back up at her room (a fellow redhead) that she had been so concerned about meeting (and who ended up being super nice). She then appeared to be fine all of a sudden and I was "free to go." 

Everyone that was there (both campers and counselors alike) kept staring at me like being pregnant was equal to being the devil incarnate, so that was a bit unsettling. I was glad to get out of there. I kind of felt like a mom though at certain points, which just reminded me that I actually was going to officially become a mom in about 10 weeks! 

As I was driving back home, the GPS decided to die on me and of course I didnt have a charger. Baby girl was kicking my insides all to pieces the whole way back and I kept having contractions randomly, so my tummy would get really hard and tight and that was uncomfortable driving. Ah well - I'm back home now and chances are....I may just take a nap sometime before The Bachelorette starts tonight.

Oh and it's Free Slurpee Day (7.11.11) so get yours now! It last for 24 hours :)

July Birthdays

Today was so much fun! We went over to my aunt and uncle's house for a BBQ to celebrate July birthdays in our family. Today was my cousin Ryan's actual birthday and then my sister Tera's is this Saturday, the 16th. It was awesome because not only was it our usual family get together attendants, but also family from out of town normally were all there! Shanna, Emma, Jenna, and Morgan (the Texas girls) were there and so was my cousin Elisa! It was great getting to visit and catch up with everybody. Good food and lots of laughter was had all around. Ashlee, Tony's sister, also came with us and she had a blast. She loved my family and thought they were so cool :) I'm very proud of them myself!!

Highlight / memorable moment of the day: Gary brought out a stethoscope and wanted to see if anyone could hear my baby's heartbeat. I couldnt (I think it was too loud in the room and my position wasnt great for hearing it) but my cousins Elisa and Rosey and my uncle Gary all heard it. My aunt and mom both tried but claimed they couldnt hear anything. Of course, it's much more magnified and loud in the doctor's office....but it's pretty cool that they could still hear it through a stethoscope. It was interesting to have everyone so intent on my belly too, but kind of cool at the same time :) Just one more reason to validate how I know this little girl will be so doted upon and loved by many =]

All the cousins and kids got involved in a water fight game of kickball (it's usually the Pirates vs the Ninjas, but this time they were the Kelly Clarksons vs the Justin Biebers). The games are so violent and hilarious HAHA! You have to attend one to really know what I'm talking about. The highlights included Marcus (James' dog) popping the first kickball with his teeth and then continually trying to get the second one through the whole game, Jack's crazy phrases ("Devastation!!!!"), Tony jumping over the fence and breaking it, my dad making random crazy noises every time someone kicked the ball, James dropping the dog's glass water bowl on Ashlee's foot (accidentally) and it shattering everywhere on the ground and into her foot - causing everyone in my family to rush to her aid and take care of her quickly and completely (she was shocked because she claims she has never been so fussed over - and she's completely fine, by the way), and when the ball narrowly missed all of us innocent audience members sitting on the sidelines because it was accidentally kicked in our direction (I so wish I could have played but apparently it's advised against when you're pregnant, let alone in your 3rd trimester....)! 

We celebrated the birthdays with lemon cake and chocolate cupcakes. After some more visiting, we headed home after a long enjoyably exhausting day. My dad took a ton of pictures so once he gets them up on Facebook, I might steal a few and post them here for you to see.

It's Coming Together...

The crib is put together and the bedding is put on :) Tony now says it's a bit more realistic that we're having a baby and that she's going to be here SOON.

Still have to get the dresser, changing table, and glider with ottoman. Pictures will be up as soon as we get everything and it's all put together as best as it can be. 

And I just have to say, I think we have some of the cutest outfits ever created for little girls. I cant wait to take millions of pictures and show her off in them :)

29 Weeks

Today I hit 29 weeks - time seems to be flying now! I'm sure it will slow down once my tummy pops out some more and I have to deal with even more physical exhaustion ;)

Here is my update.

We saw Horrible Bosses tonight - Oh. My. Gosh. Hilarrrrrrious!!!! We were cracking up. My favorite quote of the night? 

"I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 states." 

GO SEE IT and you'll understand - you will be quoting it for sure.

Full Days

Ashlee (Tony's sister) flew in yesterday and she's gong to be staying with us for a couple weeks. She'll be attending a church camp for a few days while here, but will stay with us the rest of the time. We picked her up last night and hung out for a bit - then Tony, Ashlee, and Josh went to see Fast Five while Lia and I went to see Monte Carlo. My family left for a church camp out today so we went and ran some errands. We finally made it to the Social Security Office so that I could change my name on my card to Hermesman. Then we went to the DMV so I could change my license and stupid me, I brought my marriage license but didnt bring my birth certificate to verify my identity. So I'll have to go back to do that tomorrow, along with stopping by the Post Office to get my passport changed. My bank cards and everything else are already changed - so now everything will be complete and I wont have to worry about it anymore! I do so love getting things done. Tomorrow we have a full day planned as well - and this weekend should be fun, as the whole family is getting together to celebrate July birthdays. Gotta love BBQs! Then we have a bunch of things coming up - hanging out with Ashlee, birth classes, baby appointments, birthdays, yoga classes, interviews, nursery decorating, shopping for baby, Harry Potter (!!!), pet sitting, etc...

I have a feeling time will start to fly by..... I mean, my birthday is in less than a month! It doesnt seem possible that almost a year has gone by since my last one already - and that only means that once my birthday hits, we're super close to Anistynn being here! Whoa!

Preparation Has Begun...

So for the last few weeks I have been having "contractions" - I guess they're nothing to worry about. It's just my body preparing for what it's supposed to do in September. So unless they start having a pattern to them, I shouldnt be worried. It's kind of crazy how hard my stomach will get - I start to feel a tightening in my abdomen (painless, just a little uncomfortable) and then I press on it and it's hard as a rock. It happens multiple times a day but in no specific pattern. Also, baby girl likes my right side - she's always pressed up against it, making my tummy appear lopsided. We can feel limbs and whatnot when we press on it. She's also at the point where if you press on my stomach, she'll punch or kick back :) It was hilarious the other day when Tony was laying his head on my stomach (a pastime that's become a favorite of his - he claims he likes being able to hear and feel her heartbeat and all her little movements) and she kicked him right in the face. Ahahaha! Cracked us up. She's still as active as ever, which reassures me more than you can imagine. 

Oh, and FANTASTIC NEWS: I dont have gestational diabetes!! =] So that's one more thing I can cross off my list that I dont have to worry about. Thank the sweet Lord. I'm not having a problem with sugar by any means, but I just know that if I had GD, that I would all of a sudden want all that stuff because I couldnt have it. And it would be 100 times worse because I'm pregnant and if you cant have something you want, it's a life or death situation. But that wouldnt even be my top concern - that would just be a total bummer side effect. I would be more worried about the possibility of a more difficult delivery and possible long term effects for both mother and child. But thankfully, I dont have to worry about it so yay!